THE STORY: This pop culture-laden fright-fest takes the legend of Countess Elizabeth Bathory of Hungary and relocates it in the inherently creepy locale of New Orleans. The usual cast of motley and none-too-bright teenagers is assembled and attached to quirky names–smartass Phineas (Jimmi Simpson) and his Goth-girl sister, October (Sophia Bush), hunky protagonist Hutch (Jon Foster), and tech-head Swink (Frankie Muniz), to name a few–and they all have one thing in common: the love of gaming. When Hutch’s best friend Loomis (Milo Ventimiglia) is a victim in a violent massacre, Hutch ends up with the game he was playing just before he died. Called “Stay Alive,” the game is technically illegal and Hutch and his friends can’t resist booting it up. The game resurrects the Countess, who centuries ago was walled up in her tower when her crimes were discovered (she is said to have brutally murdered 650 servant girls and bathed in their blood). Now, she is fulfilling her vow to return to reassume her reign of terror. This time, however, her victims are gamers who will die in the same way in life as they do in the game.
The video game itself becomes a character in the film, showing off excellent 3-D, cinematic effects, and creating an effectively spooky atmosphere with a memorable, if derivative, aesthetic. The gore never escalates past PG-13 levels but the scare tactics are adept, while the Countess herself, with pasty skin and high-necked red dress, is a movie monster worthy of canonization.
THE REVIEW: Any time Hollywood has tried to make a movie that has anything to do with video games they blow it—Stay Alive is no different. This is an absolute train-wreck. Michael Brent Bell might be the worst director of all time. Stay Alive is a shameless payday for Bell and Touchstone.
Stay Alive is Final Destination and The Ring with a video game at the center. You play you die. Woo-who. Isn’t that exciting? They decide to set the movie in New Orleans in hopes of adding another spooky dimension but nothing works. Even Frankie Muniz can’t pull out a good role—not that he is given anything to do really. The rest of the cast are intolerable. It was painful to sit and force myself to watch the rest of this mess.
THE EXTRAS: The commentary by William Brent Bell and Matthew Peterman is mostly about the problems that come with making a bad low-budget movie. The visual effects reel is not worth watching–the extra doesn’t even make sense. The interactive bonus menus are called extras which is simple an oxymoron—whoever listed that as an extra should be fired.
FRANKLY: Stay Alive is dead-on-arrival. There isn’t anything else to say about Stay Alive—besides the fact that William Brent Bell is the worst director ever.
+ Charlie Craine
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