Tom Green sucks. I mean, yeah, he sucks on a cow utter and some other really stupid things. But I really mean that Tom Green sucks, as in he couldn’t make me laugh if the only thing keeping him alive was making me laugh. Tom Green makes Adam Sandler seem like a genius. And I almost vomited saying that.
We’ve seen the gags on his Mtv show. He has just taken those rarely funny gags, scripted them, and now wants us to pay for something we’ve already seen. Well, please heed my warning: Freddy Got Fingered is the worst movie I’ve ever seen.
Tom Green somehow talked someone into letting him write, direct, and star in his own film. Perhaps new wife Drew Barrymore had something to do with that con. The film feels like it was written on the spot. Like they showed up and asked, ‘So, Tom, what asinine thing will we be doing today?’ and Tom says, ‘Well, maybe I’ll suck on a cow utter or what do you think about me tossing around a newborn by the umbilical cord? Do you think if I jerked a horse off people would laugh?’ No. Tom Green thinks he can just keep pushing us and we have to laugh sometimes. It’s not true. We aren’t going to just laugh out of embarrassment. I didn’t even feel bad for this idiot because he has millions of dollars and a hot wife. So can someone just make this guy retire already and leave me with my own dignity?
And the title? Well, it’s a desperate marketing ploy to bring the teen guys in who are hoping to see some T&A. Don’t get your hormones raging just yet. This film isn’t good in any way. Once again, I plead with Hollywood to keep the idiots like Green away from the controls.
+ charlie craine
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