It’s been two years since we last saw Arnold Schwarzenegger tear up the screen in a blockbuster film. After the role of Mr. Freeze in Batman And Robin, he packed it in for a while to undergo surgery and take some time off. Now he’s back with a vengeance, this time to face his biggest nemesis ever, Satan. End Of Days is a special effects extravaganza that pits two arch enemies, the Catholic Church and Satan, head to head against each other, and places a bigger, brawnier Schwarzenegger smack dab in the middle.
Directed by Peter Hyams, End Of Days is a gory depiction of Satan’s romp through New York, in his mission to plant his seed and stake his claim on the world. All I can say is eww, eww and eww. This film was so remarkably gross; I couldn’t help but grimace and shriek in disgust. Why anyone would want to create this monstrosity and market it as entertainment is beyond me, especially a director like Peter Hyams, whose past credits include some fairly entertaining and intelligent films, like Hanover Street and Narrow Margin.
Schwarzenegger plays Jericho Cane, an ex-cop full of angst and woe over his family’s gruesome murder. After bouts with alcoholism and near suicide attempts, he ends up placing meaning back in his life by protecting Christine York (Robin Tunney), the woman designated to bear Satan’s child on New Year’s Eve. Like so many past Arnie flicks, once again we see him parade through the streets, flexing his muscles and blowing up everything in sight like it’s nothing. Only this time I was less enthusiastic about the battles. What’s more, the film left no room for Arnold to utter some classic catch phrase, like “I’ll be back.” Instead all he said was, “You are a choirboy next to me,” which had me rolling at the lunacy.
Opposite our hero is the devil (Gabriel Byrne). Byrne portrayed the devil role with such natural ease that it made me rather uncomfortable, especially seeing how his latest release before this was another Satanic-centered plot, Stigmata. His eerie presence and relentless hatred of mankind was not only disturbing, but irritating as well. I was waiting for him to say something profound and manipulative, but instead he kept his jaw locked and tried to use glares to perpetrate his evilness. Boring.
I must give credit to Kevin Pollak (Usual Suspects), the only redeemable force behind this waste of a motion picture. He plays Chicago, Cane’s partner and friend. Being the only means of comic relief and the only likable character, it’s a shame that he wasn’t in more scenes. Though I enjoyed his performance, it still wasn’t enough to carry the film or make it bearable.
My recommendation: run, don’t walk, as fast as you can from this useless abomination that is End Of Days!
+ ashley adams
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