Alice Cooper – Along Came A Spider – review

Legendary rock ‘n’ roller Alice Cooper has unleashed the dark conceptual album “Along Came A Spider” about a serial killer named Spider who cuts off a leg from each of his female victims then binds their bodies in silk.

alice cooper
Artist: Alice Cooper
Title: Along Came A Spider
Label: SPV
Rating: 3/10

Corporate line:
Legendary rock ‘n’ roller Alice Cooper has unleashed the dark conceptual album “Along Came A Spider” about a serial killer named Spider who cuts off a leg from each of his female victims then binds their bodies in silk.

The good:
“I’m Hungry” – Totally tacky and corny–yet you’ll be singing along in a “Rocky Horror Picture Show” sort of way.

The rest:
“Vengeance Is Mine” – Nothing new–just recycled ’80s licks and lyrics.
“Wake The Dead” – “Shake my head/ Wake the dead”–do we have to say more? If that isn’t convincing enough then the line “run for your life” at the end of the chorus, which sounds like a ten-year-old put it together, takes the cake. Perhaps the weirdest thing is how much the verses sound ripped from Oasis.
“Salvation” – It’s a bad song and yet it would have been a perfect song for Sweeney Todd. Aftershave anyone?

Finally:
Alice Cooper is the worst of the worst fake bad-asses. The concept album reaches back to Cooper’s heyday. Sounds like a formula for success right? Sure there are fans still around that might be ready for a new Cooper album–but it’s hard to take him seriously when he looks more at home on the golf course. Coopers best days are long past–even if a few of the songs aren’t beyond listening to. The ultimate problem is the massive cloud hanging over each song and the whole tired persona.

10 thoughts on “Alice Cooper – Along Came A Spider – review”

  1. You clearly do not like Alice Cooper, so why review the album? I love unbiased journalismmmmmm…..take the bug outta your ass, please!

  2. If dumb were dirt, you can expect a bumper crop this year. First of all, Cooper is the original badass. Second of all, the man still puts on great shows and tours five or six months a year. This is his fifth release this decade alone. It is obvious music his first priority. Concerning the typical golf comment (since that seems to be the only thing people can gripe about), you are aware Alice has been playing for years as do a ton of other rock stars and actors, right? What that has to do with music is beyond me. Would it have been better for him to have just drank himself to death like he was on the verge of doing on the late 70’s and early 80’s? What he does to start his day is no one’s business but his own. This is a good album that at times has some great moments. Your review comes across as that of an amateur and someone who was never a fan. Since you clearly aren’t you went the first grade route and made a golf reference. You have completely discredited yoursel. Oh just for the record, most of the reviews (not all) have been very favorable and have been extremely well-written. If you want to be a journalist, learn the art of professional please sir.

  3. It’s an opinion genius and therefore doesn’t have to be unbiased. I don’t understand why people can’t distinguish the difference between fair and balanced reporting and an editorial piece.

  4. While enjoying the new Cooper album, I couldn’t stop laughing with this review. It’s a joke, right?

  5. OMG 3/10 I hate it when people who don’t know what they are talking about review albums! Come on get someone else who knows there shit to review a album from such a legend!

    :I Know Where You Live
    WOW It gave me cold chills the first time I listened to it. 8/10

    Vengeance Is Mine
    A vary strong song. One of the best on the album. Kind of sounds like something from Dragontown. 10/10

    Wake The Dead
    This has a good dark sound and lyrics. Vary catchy. 8/10

    Catch Me If You Can
    This is a song that will be stuck in your head well after you are done listening 8/10

    (In Touch With) Your Feminine Side
    A song that brings you back to the memory’s of “The Last Temptation” “You’re My Temptation” but more sinister. 7/10

    Wrapped In Silk
    Another vary strong song that really pulls you into the story line. 8/10

    Killed By Love
    Every coop album has one of these songs that slow down the rest.”Loves a loaded gun” should come before this song, lol. 5/10

    I’m Hungry
    A Great song. Another vary strong song. Reminds me of “Chop, Chop, Chop” 9/10

    The One That Got Away
    “I … gotta go.. dumb psycho” Another brilliant story telling! Great song. 8/10

    Salvation
    Now this is classic cooper songwriting 7/10

    I Am The Spider
    A perfect way to end the album. Another song that will stick in your head well into the night! 10/10

    This should be ranked at 8/10 for true cooper fans!

  6. I agree with Suzie Chandler on every word.
    Alices golf and Alice’s music aren’t linked at all, just because he is a golfer doesn’t mean he can’t be a rocker. He is also a father and a wife, like a daughter can still be a girlfriend to someone.
    The album isn’t nearly as good as his old stuff, I’ll grant you that, but it’s still very good, I’d like to see you write better.
    Alice for the win!

  7. The reviewer of the album doesn’t know anything about Alice!
    He seems stuck on past gems like poison … underrating the huge Alice Cooper releases in this decade…
    Even 61 , that man puts on a show better and more energetic than 30-year old bands…making his audiences thrill..
    ALONG CAME A SPIDER : IF YOU ARE AN ALICE COOPER FAN , THIS ONE IS GONNA MAKE YOU THRILL..IF NOT IT IS GONNA MAKE YOU REALISE WHO THE GOD OF SHOCK ROCK IS

  8. hay alice cooper is alegend one hell of a musician you shoot him down but you do what he has been and done he has a great radio show and everything so give me a breakand leave alice cooper a lone